Leane Before becoming a mum, I was pretty confident that my baby would sleep soundly in her own cot from day one. After all, that’s what all the books and experts say, right? But as it turned out, things didn’t quite go according to plan. Like many of us, I’d never planned to bed share; I just naively thought she’d sleep through once she was out of the newborn stage. And she did. At around 15 weeks old she started sleeping through. Then the 4 month sleep regression hit and it all went to pot.
Obviously bedsharing is quite a controversial subject to some, especially in the US where they’re completely against it. I’ve had some really vile comments from people online, which is why I’m going to talk about this subject because education is needed. The scaremongering is huge – there are people who believe that you’re basically inviting horrible things to happen if you bedshare. But this isn’t true.
A survey by the Lullaby trust showed that 8 out of 10 parents co-sleep but half don’t know how to do it safely.
It started with the early morning feed, round about 6am. She was breastfed and I just found it easier to bring her into bed with me as John had already got up for work, and rest while she was feeding. I didn’t sleep because I was absolutely terrified of rolling on her, because that’s what society tells you is going to happen. But I soon realized that, with the right precautions, bed sharing can be a safe and comfortable way for both mum and baby to get some rest. I started researching safe bed sharing practices and found a wealth of information from experts like Sarah Ockwell-Smith, James McKenna, and Safe Sleep 7; people who do actual research rather than just scaremongering. Once I’d accepted that babies (and toddlers) are designed to sleep next to their mums and how to co-sleep safely, I actually started to get a lot more sleep. I started with naps because it felt easier for me, then the early morning feeds. I started just bringing her into bed with me when she woke up at 3am and because neither of us had to wake up too much, we would both go back to sleep really quickly. John would sleep in the spare room during the week anyway as he had to be up for work at 5am, and Babybel would sleep beside me, with the next-to-me acting like a really expensive bed guard the other side!
As Babybel grew older and started rolling and crawling, we realised that a standard bed wasn’t the safest option for us. We considered getting her a cot, but the thought of transferring her from the bed to the cot every night seemed like too much work. I couldn’t imagine having to lower her down into a cot once she was asleep as she was very much a contact sleeper and would’ve just woken up.
That’s when we discovered floor beds. These are basically just beds on the floor. Before going ahead and buying one (they are not cheap), we got rid of our spare bed frame which was pretty old anyway, and put the mattress on the floor to see how we got on with it. And it was the best decision we could’ve made. I could boob Babybel to sleep and roll away, John could pat her to sleep and roll away, and I could sleep knowing that if she did roll out of bed, she’d be fine. So we invested in the double floor bed, and that’s where she still is now at two and a half. Naturally the double bed didn’t fit in to the nursery we’d done for her when I was pregnant, so now she has a bedroom and a dressing room, because moving all the furniture round didn’t seem worth it when we’ve known for ages that we’ll be moving house in the near future. Most nights one of us end up in there with her, but it lets the other one get an uninterrupted nights sleep without having a toddler sprawled across both of us.
There are definitely pros and cons to bed sharing and co-sleeping. On the positive side, it’s easy to nurse your baby to sleep and there’s no need to transfer them to their own bed. You get more sleep and can easily check on your baby throughout the night. Plus, there’s nothing like snuggling up with your little one.
On the downside, sleeping in the same position can be uncomfortable and you can get cold without a thick duvet. You might also miss having alone time to wind down or relax. And once your baby starts moving around, you become a 24-hour boob buffet!
Overall, my experience with bed sharing and co-sleeping has been positive. With the right knowledge and precautions, it can be a safe and comfortable way for mums and babies to sleep.
What are your thoughts on bed sharing? Let me know in the comments.
